at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
