I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
