i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
