Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
