I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
