why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
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