New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
