would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
