the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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