Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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