and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I love you. Go after that dick
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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