I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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