WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I need to align my fucking chakras
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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