I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
