i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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