my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
