She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
