dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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