getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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