I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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