Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
