Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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