quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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