In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
