Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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