I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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