You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
