Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
