I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
