Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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