I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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