Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
