I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
