I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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