I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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