Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
