I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
