Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
