This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
