Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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