The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
