my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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