You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
