Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
