put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
