Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The Olympian is in my bed
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