I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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