I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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