When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
