Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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