3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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