hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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