I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
