Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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