ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
