He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
