New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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