Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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