Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
